How to purge someone from your life:
1-delete any text or email messages
2-Leave your phone on the other side of the house, preferably on a different floor where you can't check it every other minute
2-stop answering phone calls
3-don't respond to text messages
4-avoid common areas
5-reserve asking friends for information to every other week or so
6-BIG breathe......delete their phone number.
I've had to follow all of these steps before. Sometimes I just have to do a couple of them for a semi-purge but inevitably I end up following them. They are like my rules of engagement. These steps go for both men and women - I have had to purge a lady friend....it stinks. For some reason I was reminiscing tonight about all my past relationships. Kind of dysfunctional yet always exciting. Guess I'm lucky I made it out mostly in one piece. But why take such extreme measures to cut people out of your life? It made me wonder what dating was like before all of the instant messaging and cell phones and facebooking. Its no wonder more people got married, they didn't have a 1 in 5 chance of doing something stupid. If you were mad then you wrote a letter and they didn't get it for a week. Now you can sent your insanity instantaneously and reap your consequences just as fast.. How much different would my life be if I lived 60 years ago? How much different would your life be? Think about it.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Achtung baby
I had a minor setback on Sat night after my party when HIM and our other friend stayed after everyone left. I don't what it is, but HIM just seems so cozy. I could just crawl into his nook and stay there forever. But unfortunately the nook is closed for business this time of year. They must be cleaning.
I hate the setback. It always happens and worse I think it has to happen. Without the setback things would be too easy. When are things ever easy? I watched a Brazilian film were a little boy says something to the effect of "mom says God never gives us more than we can handle. But I think sometimes he forgets and kills us". Actually, I may have made up the death part but I still like it.
So I said to myself last night this is stupid. Let's just get this over with. Should I still get hung up on HIM? A sign would help me. That's right, I actually wanted a sign. And tonight as I was chewing on a piece of pizza I remembered this morning as I was pulling out of my garage headed to school and there was HIM's aunt waving at me from the sidewalk across the street. Was this what I asked for?
I don't know anymore, i just don't know.
I hate the setback. It always happens and worse I think it has to happen. Without the setback things would be too easy. When are things ever easy? I watched a Brazilian film were a little boy says something to the effect of "mom says God never gives us more than we can handle. But I think sometimes he forgets and kills us". Actually, I may have made up the death part but I still like it.
So I said to myself last night this is stupid. Let's just get this over with. Should I still get hung up on HIM? A sign would help me. That's right, I actually wanted a sign. And tonight as I was chewing on a piece of pizza I remembered this morning as I was pulling out of my garage headed to school and there was HIM's aunt waving at me from the sidewalk across the street. Was this what I asked for?
I don't know anymore, i just don't know.
Friday, November 16, 2007
When it rains everything gets soggy
I'm feeling pretty good lately even though I have an empty plate so to speak. I ran into nerd crush in the library this week which was great. Actually it was more like I was talking to one of my really muscular friends for quite a while before I noticed he was right across the table from him - then I ran into him. I just noticed that he has a few grey hairs in his ebony mane. We all know how much I love a silver fox, this ups his potential quite a bit. I made sure to tell my friend Dan from my ward on the phone today to make sure nerd crush gets an invite the the festivities this weekend at my house. He'll have no chance then.
HIM just makes me laugh now, a good sign that my "I hate you for not liking me back" phase is over. I hate that phase, it has tarnished a number of friendships for nothing. HIM over-complemented me on both my other blog and my comment on a friends blog. Quit complimenting me HIM.....its getting old. Ha Ha. Besides, HIM sent me a text today that just re-established my suspicions that sometimes he's just two steps behind. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - see how much I can laugh about it now?
I did something last night that I haven't done since my sophomore year; I tore out a picture of a boy from my Urban Outfitters catalog and taped it the back of my door. I'm trying to restrain myself from covering the whole door like I used to, but I figure one picture is OK. I just liked how he looked and it helps me remember that yes, I do have a type and he is out there. I don't have to pick from the small selection afforded to me here. I figured out that I can only date less than 10% of the worlds population living here. Now I've never been good at math and so I'm sure that equation is horribly wrong. In fact, its probably less than 10% which is much worse to think about. So I decided this summer that I was over dating in America and now I was moving on to the world. I am a Global Studies major after all....what better way to study the globe than to date it?
I just need a better passport picture now.
HIM just makes me laugh now, a good sign that my "I hate you for not liking me back" phase is over. I hate that phase, it has tarnished a number of friendships for nothing. HIM over-complemented me on both my other blog and my comment on a friends blog. Quit complimenting me HIM.....its getting old. Ha Ha. Besides, HIM sent me a text today that just re-established my suspicions that sometimes he's just two steps behind. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - see how much I can laugh about it now?
I did something last night that I haven't done since my sophomore year; I tore out a picture of a boy from my Urban Outfitters catalog and taped it the back of my door. I'm trying to restrain myself from covering the whole door like I used to, but I figure one picture is OK. I just liked how he looked and it helps me remember that yes, I do have a type and he is out there. I don't have to pick from the small selection afforded to me here. I figured out that I can only date less than 10% of the worlds population living here. Now I've never been good at math and so I'm sure that equation is horribly wrong. In fact, its probably less than 10% which is much worse to think about. So I decided this summer that I was over dating in America and now I was moving on to the world. I am a Global Studies major after all....what better way to study the globe than to date it?
I just need a better passport picture now.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Do-over
I felt bad for not being friendly enough to the guy in my class who asked me if I wanted to go get a sprite with him at the beginning of the semester. I should have been nicer when I was tanner. Now I want attention and don't know where to get it. So when I left class the other day sprite boy was in the hall and he looked like he was smiling at me as I walked past so I smiled back and said hello only to discover he was actually saying hello to someone behind me.....snap. Serves me right.
We had stake conference this sunday so I wasn't able to charge at my nerd crush, but I did see him Friday night and acosted him then. I actually went to an intramural football game with some friends because I knew there would be men there without fail. When we left nerd crush was walking by and said "I never see you at functions outside of church". "That's because I don't go to them" I replied. "Why is that" he foolishly asked. "Because you have never invited me" I smiled. The look on his face...priceless. He fumbled around for a responce until he agreed "that could be a reason". It was beautiful.
I'm over IT and slowly over HIM. There is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with HIM not liking me. The nice thing about crushes is they can go away. Especially if your crush has small hands, falls asleep too early and can't always follow the conversation at the same speed as everyon else. Its really too bad though, I like having a crush. But its even better when it works out. So now I'm listening to the stupid sounding advice I gave to one of my friends, "Onwards and upwards". Well I'm on to cookies and upwards of 4 candy bars a day. Good times.
We had stake conference this sunday so I wasn't able to charge at my nerd crush, but I did see him Friday night and acosted him then. I actually went to an intramural football game with some friends because I knew there would be men there without fail. When we left nerd crush was walking by and said "I never see you at functions outside of church". "That's because I don't go to them" I replied. "Why is that" he foolishly asked. "Because you have never invited me" I smiled. The look on his face...priceless. He fumbled around for a responce until he agreed "that could be a reason". It was beautiful.
I'm over IT and slowly over HIM. There is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with HIM not liking me. The nice thing about crushes is they can go away. Especially if your crush has small hands, falls asleep too early and can't always follow the conversation at the same speed as everyon else. Its really too bad though, I like having a crush. But its even better when it works out. So now I'm listening to the stupid sounding advice I gave to one of my friends, "Onwards and upwards". Well I'm on to cookies and upwards of 4 candy bars a day. Good times.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
You threw off my groove
First thing I did when I got to Geog 101 today was lean over to class bro and ask, "Do you have any single friends that want to take me on a date"? He nodded no right away. "You didn't even think about it" I protested. "I don't really have a lot of guy friends" he replied. "Well you should get some new friends" I snapped back. I need to go on a date. I need to go even if for no other reason than it would take my mind off HIM.
Why am I sitting around oblivious to everyone else waiting for something? What exactly am I waiting for? A declaration of undying love? That's just not realistic, and if I've become anything its realistic. How much longer can I wait for HIM? Not much longer I think. There has basically been silence since Friday. I tried to close the gap with a few text messages that barely garnered any results - which is typical of HIM. Its not supposed to be like this. I should have someone chasing after me, not the other way around. My brother in-law gave me some good advice, "when you go on a date with HIM, don't act like his friend". Easier said than done. I don't know any other way to act. If I can't even make myself act differently, how can I expect HIM to? Maybe its just not meant to be, like all the other relationships in my life its just bad timing. And come to think about it he doesn't know anything about those relationships. After 1 1/2 yrs of friendship he hardly knows me. Interesting.
And to make matters matters worse I've lost my uumph. I used to be able to unnerve a guy with just one look, not anymore. I've been trying to flirt heavily with this nerdy boy in my ward from Boston. There is no question he is a nerd, but I just like him. My goal is to get him to take me on a date which used to be no problem. But the last two weeks I've only muttered a hello in the hallway. I'm going to get him this Sunday, mark my words. On Monday I got into an elevator with an attractive guy. He scooted closer to me in the elevator and I should have said, "getting off on 3 as well"? But I looked down and headed out the door. Perhaps what I need is to go to Jamaica just like Stella to get my groove back. Something has got to change.
Why am I sitting around oblivious to everyone else waiting for something? What exactly am I waiting for? A declaration of undying love? That's just not realistic, and if I've become anything its realistic. How much longer can I wait for HIM? Not much longer I think. There has basically been silence since Friday. I tried to close the gap with a few text messages that barely garnered any results - which is typical of HIM. Its not supposed to be like this. I should have someone chasing after me, not the other way around. My brother in-law gave me some good advice, "when you go on a date with HIM, don't act like his friend". Easier said than done. I don't know any other way to act. If I can't even make myself act differently, how can I expect HIM to? Maybe its just not meant to be, like all the other relationships in my life its just bad timing. And come to think about it he doesn't know anything about those relationships. After 1 1/2 yrs of friendship he hardly knows me. Interesting.
And to make matters matters worse I've lost my uumph. I used to be able to unnerve a guy with just one look, not anymore. I've been trying to flirt heavily with this nerdy boy in my ward from Boston. There is no question he is a nerd, but I just like him. My goal is to get him to take me on a date which used to be no problem. But the last two weeks I've only muttered a hello in the hallway. I'm going to get him this Sunday, mark my words. On Monday I got into an elevator with an attractive guy. He scooted closer to me in the elevator and I should have said, "getting off on 3 as well"? But I looked down and headed out the door. Perhaps what I need is to go to Jamaica just like Stella to get my groove back. Something has got to change.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Review
It all started with a text; I need to talk to you. The phone rang seconds later and I found myself voice to voice with my biggest fear: HIM. I sent the text. I answered the phone. And I stumbled word after word. " I know you are dating other people, thats a good thing. But I have developed a little crush on you and I wanted to know what you thought". The silence was bad, but hearing that he knew was even worse. "No, this is a good thing, I'm definitely smiling right now" he said. Of course you are smiling, I just made a fool of myself to pump up your ego. "I am seeing people, but we should definitely go on some dates" he continued. DATES???? I don't want to go on dates. I don't want to be having this conversation. I don't want to be counting the moments until I don't have to hear you anymore. I want to crawl under my bed with some magazines and watch peoples feet as they pass by unaware of me.
You don't have to answer right now......in fact, please don't answer right now. Take some time to think about it and by then I'll already be in Rosarito getting food poisoning. When they find me and the taco that did me in they'll say she was running away from something - but ultimately she died doing what she loved; eating cheap food on the street.
We had our first date on Friday night. We had hung out a lot with other people, but this was a solo project. We went to the same International Cinema movie that my parents who never go out went to. "We didn't see you there" my dad said later at home. "I saw you and we sat far away" I replied. He looked good, really good but I couldn't tell him. I felt foolish as I stole secret glances at him during the movie. I just wanted to reach over and touch him, just put my hand on his back, but I didn't. Finally over hot chocolate between discussing capital punishment, gangs and the state of Israel I blurted out "I like that shirt, it looks good on you". Lame.
10:30pm, date over. I sent a "thank you"text (an inside joke of ours). He laughed and sent one back thanking me. Then he sent a real one saying we should do it again sometime. Another crumb for me to nibble on. "I'm tired of crumbs" I told my mom, " I want a piece of bread".
You don't have to answer right now......in fact, please don't answer right now. Take some time to think about it and by then I'll already be in Rosarito getting food poisoning. When they find me and the taco that did me in they'll say she was running away from something - but ultimately she died doing what she loved; eating cheap food on the street.
We had our first date on Friday night. We had hung out a lot with other people, but this was a solo project. We went to the same International Cinema movie that my parents who never go out went to. "We didn't see you there" my dad said later at home. "I saw you and we sat far away" I replied. He looked good, really good but I couldn't tell him. I felt foolish as I stole secret glances at him during the movie. I just wanted to reach over and touch him, just put my hand on his back, but I didn't. Finally over hot chocolate between discussing capital punishment, gangs and the state of Israel I blurted out "I like that shirt, it looks good on you". Lame.
10:30pm, date over. I sent a "thank you"text (an inside joke of ours). He laughed and sent one back thanking me. Then he sent a real one saying we should do it again sometime. Another crumb for me to nibble on. "I'm tired of crumbs" I told my mom, " I want a piece of bread".
लेट'एस स्टार्ट अत थे बेगिन्निंग
I've decided to start a second blog to share my dating mis-adventures. It seems I always have something to say or share in this department. Unfortunately I cannot share this part of my life on my regular blog because boys read it....and thats no bueno. So for the select few of you who get to read this, welcome to my dating hell.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
