Say it, don't spray it

Has the right restaurant or lighting or kiss made you blurt out things you didn't really mean?  Like after a good meal when you are looking at your date and you want to tell them you love them because the roasted squash salad was that good?  This has been happening to me a lot lately.  It's a very dangerous state to be wandering around in.  I'm liable to say all sorts of sentimental things I would want to take back later while snuggled up on the couch with a cup of perfectly brewed pero.  I can't tell you how many times my mouth has filled up like someone just blew air into it with crazy sweet nothings, and each time I gulp them right back down.  The last thing I want right now is an "I love you" out there just floating around our heads.  Not ready yet.  

Last night while waiting for the water to boil for our hot chocolate HIM I were smooching for a bit and it happened again.  But it was much stronger this time.  My chest was starting to feel tight and there was a long slow burn smoldering underneath.  I thought "oh no, put it away.  Squash this back to where it came from - the bad lighting and warm tea kettle".  So I pushed it away and moved on.  Then HIM said " I don't know how to really say this...but I really care about you.  I really like you."  I just smiled as a huge wave of relief washed over me that I was not the only one experiencing the slow burn.  Phew, disaster averted.  Feelings were expressed but not overdone.  Good.  I can do that.  

  

Killing me Softly

Valentines/My Birthday were really great this year!  In fact, for all the years that I was dating someone on my birthday this was definitely the best.  For weeks I had worried that HIM was going to give me a card and not get off work on my birthday.  But then HIM got off work and took me out for my b-day!!  We went to the MOA for a special showing of a private collection of Renaissance paintings and then headed to Salt Lake for dinner.  We went to a greek restaurant called Aristo's and had a delicious 5 course dinner!!  It was late afterwards so we headed home to my house so I could open my present.  HIM got me the perfume I've been wanting forever!!!  For a cheap guy HIM was not so cheap that night.  It was really nice.  HIM can go back to cheap now.

I would say that I had a conversation with my mother last night, but it was more like she talked at me.  I was minding my own business tapping away at my computer and she starts first with the innocent inquiries and then moves into the heavy probing.  

"So...you like Richard, things are going well?"

"yup"

"what is his plan b incase he doesn't get into med school?"

"I don't know.  I haven't asked, although I don't think he needs one"

"So his scores were pretty good?"

"sure?  he was happy with them"

"what is his plan for this summer?  What is your plan?"

"so...do you think things will get serious?"

"I don't know.  Its only been a month and a half"

"Well, you need to plan ahead"

"Ok, I think I have some time"

"Are you guys going to get married?"

"What!  I think I have some time to think about this, we haven't been dating that long"

"Your father asked me after one month"

"And you said no!"

"Yeah...well, I had to in my situation.  Look, I need to plan my summer trips and I need to know if I need to plan for a wedding"

"WHOA!!!  I am NOT thinking about that right now.  Let's give it some more time shall we?  Thanks".

And that is an abbreviated version.  What is the rush!?  Let's say things keep going well into the summer, do we have to decide before he leaves for Med school?  I have never understood not dating for a long time.  I know that circumstances change but will I?   

The swoop and lock

"So....I think I'm going to go for the hand-hold when we are looking at art tomorrow night"

"HA HA HA.  Wait........why did you just tell me that?"

"Uh......ha ha.  Uh...I was just kidding"

"No you weren't"

"I know!  I shouldn't have said that out loud, huh?"

"Nope"

Excerpts from a conversation HIM and I were having as I drove HIM home a couple of nights ago.  It was the result of an earlier conversation that day about how I would like a little more affection in public so that it doesn't look like we are on an awkward first date all the time.  And also so that more people will know we are dating so they stop flirting with me in front of HIM.  It gets a little uncomfortable sometimes.  No, it gets a lot uncomfortable sometimes.  Even better was when he leaned over to give me a smooch goodbye and put his hand on top of mine and said, " a little preview of tomorrow night".  Hmmmmm......I feel so lucky?  

Actually, I do feel lucky.  Lucky to know someone who can say those things to me without me wanting to throw-up and push them out of a moving car.  I don't know why - and trust me, I have tried to figure it out - HIM can say things like that all the time and I think its cute.

HIM did in fact go for the hand-hold the next night.  It was just what I expected, an awkward surprise!  We had just finished watching HIM's friends performance art so I turned to walk out in front of HIM and WHAM!  HIM's hand swoops in from the back of me into my hand.  It actually kind of scared me.  You know, someone grabbing your hand all of a sudden from the back when you can't see them.  "Wow, that was really smooth" I told HIM as we walked out.  We both knew it was not so smooth, but just fine by me.  Hey, HIM is trying and always takes my suggestions and runs with them.  

Maybe there is a good book for HIM with pointers?  

Pot-luck

I think I have a problem.  An unusual problem.  A problem that has never presented itself before now.  I think HIM is a better person than me, I really do.  I literally think that he has more good bones in his body than me.  This is believe it or not a foreign thing for me.  I have always been the better person in relationships.  It's true!  Now, I'm not that good, so you can imagine the kind of people I was dating.  Wait...you all know the kind of people I was dating.  I'm not sure what to do.  This is bad I think.  

My friend Natalie used to say that you should marry someone who is not as good looking as you so they will always be grateful to have you.  I agree with Natalie, but does this apply to 'goodness' as well?  HIM turns his head when there is any hint of suggestive material in a movie or changes the channel on the TV.  What?!  I don't know many guys like that.  Don't get me wrong, I like it.  But then there is me who watches and takes notes for future reference.  See the problem here?  Is he going to discover this sooner or later or does he notice it now?  He pays for most his music, he's nice to everyone, etc, etc.  I can't claim either of those most days.  They say (they being the people who decide everything) that you should make each other want to be a better person.  Uh.........  I'm not sure I inspire HIM to do anything other than terrible pranks I talk him into to.

Do I need to gorge on goodness right about now?