Don't look at me

Ok, I was kidding about Paris changing my life.  But I think I am avoiding HIM a little.  I picked doing math homework over going out with our friends.  That NEVER happens.  It's just that it's been so long and everyone knows - including his roommates.  I just don't know how to act when I see him.  People will be watching.  It's the fishbowl scenario.  

I was telling this today to my friend Jess on the phone and she said it reminded her of a story.  A story of a Moose stuck in the middle of a frozen lake that had to be rescued.  "Are you saying I'm the moose"? I asked scratching my head.  "Yes, you need a little help" she told me.  Agreed, I could always use a little help.  But at least if I was that moose I would have kicked the ice around me cracking it to help free myself - I think.

But now I'm avoiding talking about the fact that I'm avoiding HIM.  I'm in pajamas surrounded by text books writing this instead of going over there.  It can wait until tomorrow, right?  I've already waited 3 wks, whats a couple more days?  I am such a wuss.   My heart is palpitating.

Its this kind of performance anxiety that has kept me from doing the 'muscle show' for years.