Futurama

I wish I had something better to write than the fact that I've been having dreams about all the married people I know having terrible marriages.  It seems like every night I go to sleep my thoughts are possessed with marriage not working out.  Why is this?  Mo thinks I'm stressing out over marriage and I think she's right.  Maybe it's because everyone is asking me how things are going with HIM and if I think we'll get married.  Well...things are fine and I don't know.  But I do know that all these questions are making me lose sleep which is bad for everyone.  

HIM and I are on a times table of sorts.  There is this impending deadline sometime in August that is a cutting off point for....something.  A break up?  An engagement?  A wedding?  All possibilities.  I hate people telling me what to do when they are not paying me.  I hate this invisible deadline for giving me nightmares and undue stress.  I hate that my life is wide open but could have to revolve around someone else's.  I really hate that it already does revolve around someone else's.  Most people are afraid of doing things alone.  I'm afraid of doing things with someone else.  I have two trains of thought right now.  One is me in my singleness with the wide open future and the promise of being able to move anywhere I want and experience new things and new people.  The other is me waiting to hear where HIM is going and wondering if I'll be going too.  I've placed both on the balancing scales of justice and keep waiting for them to stop moving so I can clearly see which is more beneficial.  But they keep bobbing up and down never settling.

But at least I think he finally gets that I am pretty good for him.