Are you there God? Its me, Laquina.

I'm worried.  I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch.  I don't want to believe the new L.A.M.B. sweat pants I just bought are real until they are in my porcelain hands.  I also don't want to believe that my luck is changing.  I've always resisted getting too happy and hopeful about things in the relationship department because they usually explode in some huge fantastic show of black powder and aerosol cans at the end.  I also just don't like to look like the girl I am.  Being giddy about boys was never really my thing, its hard to get used to (just like skinny jeans were at first).

I've been told I'm being too vague as of late.  Its true, I was doing it on purpose.  There is this myth, at least I'm hoping thats what it is, that if you talk about or acknowledge your feelings for someone then it will be ruined.  I'm going to debunk that myth.  If this does get ruined it will be because I said or did something stupid or he just couldn't cut it.  

I'm going out with HIM on friday night after almost two weeks of unmistakable flirting-from HIM.  HA!  To be fair, this last week he has been on pain killers and those always make you like people more than usual, but still.  Its been obvious to me and obviously made me happy.  I'm not a total optimist but I'm letting myself hope for some good this time around.  I'm keeping my options open and going out with other boys, like this sat. night, and I'm happy about those as well. 

Its just that I can tell its different this time around.  Just as I'm stepping out the door he stops me, so typical.  It is so different this time around that if this go doesn't work this might be the end of us - friendship and all.  I stopped praying for boys to like me after I prayed for Nathan Kozlowski to like me in junior high and it didn't work.  But I really want this to work.

If it doesn't then God and I are going to have to have a talk about how I interpret the feelings he gives me. 

C'mon.